'De echte gentleman? Lees de Koran er maar op na'

[Chatt zie arif]

Alsjeblieft Chatt! Kun je ff wat "inspiratie" opdoen >

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/video/2009/apr/02/swat-valley-flogging

Dit is wat ik bedoel, Haselhoeff moet naar de Swat-valley om die heren even uit te leggen dat hun miswak niet de vereiste specificaties bezit. De lengte,diameter en het materiaal kloppen niet volgens onze "roti-moslim". In plaats van hier in Nederland de specificaties van de miswak te verkondigen had hij de billen van dat meisje/vrouw een heel grote dienst kunnen bewijzen in Pakistan!


Ik blijf in gedachten de weldoorvoede Media-Moslim haselhoeff zien met een houtje van twintig bij een centimeter, een (gesel)straf uitdelend aan het meisje/vrouw op de link die je hebt gepost. De omringende taliban zie ik voor me als uitzinnige groep wilden die zich half-dood lachen terwijl haselhoeff besmuikt opkijkt met een potlood in de rechterhand.

[Señor Canardo]

Ik blijf in gedachten de weldoorvoede Media-Moslim haselhoeff zien met een houtje van twintig bij een centimeter, een (gesel)straf uitdelend aan het meisje/vrouw op de link die je hebt gepost. De omringende taliban zie ik voor me als uitzinnige groep wilden die zich half-dood lachen terwijl haselhoeff besmuikt opkijkt met een potlood in de rechterhand.

Of Haselhoef nou te soft is of dat de Talibanstrijders gewoon holbewoners zijn, is een vraag die eigenlijk van ondergeschikt belang is. Wat veel belangrijker is dat jij met jouw vergelijking tussen de softe Haselhoef en de wildemannen van de Taliban aantoont dat het hanteren en naleven van maatschappelijke leefregels op basis van de Islam niet eenduidig is en/of kan zijn. De diversiteit die hieruit volgt wordt dus mede bepaald door factoren buiten het geloof.

De Islam dus als oorzaak aanwijzen voor allerlei "abjecte" zaken of het principieel afwijzen van door moslimgeleerden opgestelde lijstjes is alleen weggelegd voor kortzichtige mensen. En die heb je er helaas veel van in Nederland.... 

[TheCFO]

Wat veel belangrijker is dat jij met jouw vergelijking tussen de softe Haselhoef en de wildemannen van de Taliban aantoont dat het hanteren en naleven van maatschappelijke leefregels op basis van de Islam niet eenduidig is en/of kan zijn. (...)

De Islam dus als oorzaak aanwijzen voor allerlei "abjecte" zaken of het principieel afwijzen van door moslimgeleerden opgestelde lijstjes is alleen weggelegd voor kortzichtige mensen. En die heb je er helaas veel van in Nederland.... 

Inderdaad, de eenduidigheid is zo ver te zoeken -iets wat ik altijd al loop te bleren- dat als Benzakour of jij suggereren dat er een heldere vrouwvriendelijke basis in te vinden is, dat niets anders dan pro reli propaganda kan zijn. 

De debiliteit van een dergelijke houding wordt wederom bevestigd door jouzelf. Kom je eerst hier met dat lijstje over uit je bek stinken, nu kom je met een hilsrisch verhaal over straffen met een potloodje van 20 bij 1. En mensen die van zulke verhalen de slappe lach krijgen, noem jij dan weer kortzichtig.

Tis maar goed dat jongens als ik weten dat er helemaal geen eenduidigheid is, en dus de  lijstenmaker en de rotimoslim als neurotische grappenmakers beschouwen, en hen -en jou dus ook, als hun slippendrager- niet als tekenend voor de Islam beschouwen.

Ik denk dat het voor jou ook echt beter is als je dat lijstje gaat negeren, net als de straftandeborstel van Haselhoef, en een beetje begint te vertrouwen op je eigen oordeel, ook in heikele zaken als liefde en man/vrouw verhoudingen

[Señor Canardo]

De debiliteit van een dergelijke houding wordt wederom bevestigd door jouzelf. Kom je eerst hier met dat lijstje over uit je bek stinken, nu kom je met een hilsrisch verhaal over straffen met een potloodje van 20 bij 1. En mensen die van zulke verhalen de slappe lach krijgen, noem jij dan weer kortzichtig.

Ik wist al dat je soms moeite had met begrijpend lezen, maar ik verzoek je nog een keer goed door te lezen waarom ik sommige mensen kortzichtig noem. En dat is niet omdat ze de slappe lach krijgen. 

Ik denk dat het voor jou ook echt beter is als je dat lijstje gaat negeren, net als de straftandeborstel van Haselhoef, en een beetje begint te vertrouwen op je eigen oordeel, ook in heikele zaken als liefde en man/vrouw verhoudingen

Thanks, but no thanks.

[Señor Canardo]

Voor degenen die niet principieel tegen vooraf opgestelde lijstjes zijn >



How to Make your Wife Happy

To help strengthening the Muslim families and spread the teachings of Islam in building families, the Muslim Students' Association at the University of Alberta prepared a extremely summarized translation for two books. The books are Arabic by Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed. An Egyptian scholar, who graduated from the Islamic University of AlMadinah Al-Munawwarah in Saudi Arabia. The two books are:

1- How to make your wife happy
2- How to make your husband happy

These books exceed the traditional presentation of stating rights and duties to the 'Adab (good manners) and extend into application of these rights in daily life. The following summary highlights mainly the responsibilities or examples of what could or should be done. Every single item mentioned by the author is supported by evidences from Qur'an, Sunnah or the actions of the companions, but evidences are omitted in this translation. The following is the translation of the FIRST book.

This translation is copyrighted to MSA at University of Alberta. Feel free to repost it or reprint it by all means, provided that you do not make any changes, additions, or omissions without permission.

1. Beautiful Reception. After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you:

- Begin with a good greeting
- Start with Assalamau 'Aliaykum and a smile. Salam is a sunnah and a du'aa for her as well
- Shake her hand and leave bad news for later!

2. Sweet Speech and Enchanting Invitations

- Choose words that are positive and avoid negative ones
- Give her your attention when you speak or she speaks
- Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands
- Call her nice names that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart, honey, saaliha, etc

3. Friendliness and Recreation

- Spend time talking together
- Spread to her good news
- Remember your good memories together

4. Games and Distractions

- Joking around & having a sense of humor
- Playing and competing with each other in sports or whatever
- Taking her to watch permissible (halal) types of entertainment
- Avoiding prohibited (haram) things in your choices of entertainment

5. Assistance in the Household

- Doing what you as an individual can/like to do that helps out, especially if she is sick or tired
- The most important thing is making it obvious that he appreciates her hard work

6. Consultation (Shurah) Specifically in family matters

- Giving her the feeling that her opinion is important to you
- Studying her opinion carefully
- Be willing to change an opinion for hers if it is better
- Thanking her for helping you with her opinions

7. Visiting Others

- Choosing well raised people to build relations with. There is a great reward in visiting relatives and pious people.  (Not in wasting time while visiting!)
- Pay attention to ensure Islamic manners during visits
- Not forcing her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with

8. Conduct During Travel

- Offer a warm farewell and good advice
- Ask her to pray for him
- Ask pious relatives and friends to take care of the family in your absence
- Give her enough money for what she might need
- Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc.
- Return as soon as possible
- Bring her a gift!
- Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night
- Take her with you if possible

9. Financial Support

- The husband needs to be generous within his financial capabilities. He should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful).
- He gets rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a small piece of bread that he feeds her by his hand (hadeith).
- He is strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him.

10. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification

- Following the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms.
- Always being clean and neat
- Put on perfume for her

11. Intercourse

- It is obligatory to do it habitually if you have no excuse (sickness, etc.)
- Start with "Bismillah" and the authentic du'a.
- Enter into her in the proper place only (not the anus)
- Begin with foreplay including words of love
- Continue until you have satisfied her desire
- Relax and joke around afterwards
- Avoid intercourse during the monthly period because it haram
- Do what you can to avoid damaging her level of Hiyaa (shyness and modesty) such as taking your clothes together instead of asking her to do it first while you are looking on
- Avoid positions during intercourse that may harm her such as putting pressure on her chest and blocking her breath, especially if you are heavy
- Choose suitable times for intercourse and be considerate as sometimes she maybe sick or exhausted.

12. Guarding Privacy

- Avoid disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her personal problems and other private matters.

13. Aiding in the Obedience to Allah

- Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray "Qiam-ul-Layl" (extra prayer done at night with long sujood and ruku'ua)
- Teach her what you know of the Qur'an and its tafseer
- Teach her "Dhikr" (ways to remember Allah by the example of the prophet) in the morning and evening
- Encourage her to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a charity sale
- Take her to Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so

14. Showing Respect for her Family and Friends

- Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents
- Invite them to visit her and welcome them
- Give them presents on special occasions
- Help them when needed with money, effort, etc.
- Keep good relations with her family after her death if she dies first. Also in this case the husband is encouraged to follow the sunnah and keep giving what she used to give in her life to her friends and family.

15. (Islamic) Training & Admonition. This includes:

- The basics of Islam
- Her duties and rights
- Reading and writing
- Encouraging her to attend lessons and halaqahs
- Islamic rules (ahkam) related to women
- Buying Islamic books and tapes for the home library

16. Admirable Jealousy

- Ensure she is wearing proper hijab before leaving house
- Restrict free mixing with non-mahram men
- Avoiding excess jealousy. Examples of this are:

1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading her speech by meanings that she did not mean
2- Preventing her from going out of the house when the reasons are just
3- Preventing her from answering the phone.
4- etc.

17. Patience and Mildness

- Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is wrong is excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital breakdown.
- Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT, by delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV, etc.
- Forgive the mistakes she does to you  (See item 18)
- How can you best correct her mistakes?

1- First, implicit and explicit advice several times.
2- Then by turning your back to her in bed (displaying your feelings). Note that this does not include leaving the bedroom to another room, leaving the house to another place, or not talking with her.
3- The last solution is lightly hitting (when allowable) her. In this case, the husband should consider the following: He should know that sunnah is to avoid beating as the Prophet PBUH never beat a woman or a servant. He should do it only in extreme cases of disobedience, e.g. refusing intercourse without cause frequently, constantly not praying on time, leaving the house for long periods of time without permission nor refusing to tell him where she had been, etc. It should not be done except after having turned from her bed and discussing the matter with her as mentioned in Qur'an He should not hit her hard injuring her, or hit her on her face or on sensitive parts of her body. He should avoid shaming her such as by hitting her with a shoe, etc.

18. Pardoning and Appropriate Censure

- Accounting her only for larger mistakes
- Forgive mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in Allah's rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc.
- Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake
- Remember that all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as maybe she is tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her commitment to Islam is growing
- Avoid attacking her for the bad cooking of the food as the Prophet PBUH never blamed any of his wives for this. If he likes the food, he eats and if he doesn't then he does not eat and does not comment
- Before declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches that are more subtle than direct accusations
- Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings
- When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have privacy from others
- Waiting until the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control on your words.

Finally, please make Du'a for the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed, for the translator brother Abu Talhah and for reviewer Br. Adam Qurashi. Remember this is not a perfect translation so forgive us our faults and correct our errors.

Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed

http://www.themodernreligion.com/index2.html

[Señor Canardo]

Dit topic wordt maar al te vaak toegelicht door mannen en meestal ook alleen vanuit een mannelijk perspectief. Wat hebben vrouwen eigenlijk te zeggen over dit topic? >


Men have duties too

Assalamu Alaikum,

Since I reverted to Islam I’ve often done tons of research to know how to become the best wife I possibly can Inshaállah. I’ve noticed it’s very easy to find compiled lists of what a wife should and shouldn’t do but also noticed how hard it is to find that list for brothers. Why does everyone concentrate on the wife? Wife must obey the husband, wife should look pretty for husband, wife must keep a clean home, blah blah blah the list goes on. I’m not saying that the list isn’t in any way wrong because I try my best to practice those duties as a wife but I think “some” brothers also should remember they have duties more than just bringing in the money. So as to a few requests I’ve gotten from sisters here is a list I was able to compile from two articles written by scholars.

“Among His signs is the fact that he has created spouses from among yourselves, so that you may find tranquillity with them; and he has put love and mercy between you. In that are signs for people who reflect.” [Qur'an 30:21]

“They (wives) are garments for you, while you are garments for them.” [Qur'an 2:187]

“From among the believers are those who have the kindest disposition and are the kindest to their families- such are those who show the most perfect faith. “The best among them are those who are kindest to their wives.”
[Bukhari and Muslim]




1. The first and worthiest condition of marriage to be fulfilled by the husband is to “keep the promise or promises he made to the wife at the time he married her.

This is an order of the Prophet (saaws) according to the hadith: “ahaqqu al-shuruti an tufu bihi ma astahlaltum bihi min al-furuj”

2. Maintenance and protection, responsible for the welfare of the wife as prescribed in the Qu’ran.

“Men shall take full care of women with the bounties which Allah has bestowed more abundantly on the former than on the latter, and with what they may spend out of their possessions….” [Qur'an 4:34]

Husband is financially responsible for the feeding, clothing and shelter of the wife and children. The wife has no obligation to financially contribute to the household unless she has the means and wishes to do so. Treat her generously,

The Prophet (saaws) said that the best gift or charity (sadaqa) is that spent on one’s wife.

3. Spend time with her, give her time for marital relations. Husbands don’t stay at home full time and shouldn’t expect the wife too either. Take her places that are good for your family and let her enjoy time off from her duties also. Give her a break!

“…….There is no amusement which is praiseworthy except three, namely training a horse, sporting with one’s wife and shooting arrows with a bow.” [Abu Da'ud, Ibn Majah and Baihaqi]

In illustration of this practice, Aisha (raa) records that on more then one occasion she and the Prophet (saws) ran races and sometimes she won and sometimes he won. Most men nowadays consider it far beneath their dignity to play any sort of game with their wives, and their marriages are the duller and poorer for it.

4. Don’t order her to do something that is against Islam.

The Prophet (s) said: “No obedience is due to creatures in disobedience of the Creator” (la ta`atan li makhluqin fi ma`siyat al-khaliq).

5. Be patient with your wife!

“Live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If you take a dislike to them, it may be that you dislike a thing while Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.” [Qur'an 4:19]

Remember she is human and will make mistakes just as everyone else. No one can be perfect. She will have bad days, support her on those bad days and be patient with her. Don’t dwell on the dislikes, instead focus on the likes!

6. Respect your wife and pay attention to her needs the way you would like her to respect you and your needs.

7. Be faithful in your marriage. Show your wife that you are obeying Allah (swt) at all times.

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and to be mindful of their chastity: verily this will be most conductive to their purity (and) verily Allah is aware of all that they do.” [Qur'an 24:30]

“From among the believers are those who have the kindest disposition and are the kindest to their families- such are those who show the most perfect faith. The best among them are those who are kindest to their wives.” [Bukhari and Muslim]

8. Help with household chores.

Aisha (raa) was asked by Al-Aswad b. Yazid what the Prophet used to do in the house. She replied: “He used to work for his family, that is serve his family, and when prayer time came, he went out for prayer.” [Bukhari]

Remember that it is not a wife’s duty to clean or cook. It is the husband’s responsibility to provide servants to do these things. If a wife decides to clean and cook then this is a gift to her husband, please be thankful to her!

9. Don’t make a fuss about the food your wife cooks for you. She works hard preparing it!!

“Allah’s Messenger never found fault with food. If he liked something, he ate it, and if he disliked it, he just abstained from it.” [Muslim]

10. When she is sick be sympathetic and patient with her as she is with you in times of illness and pains.

Aisha (radiallahu ‘anha) reported that whenever she was sick, the Prophet (saws) would come to her to show his sympathy. Nor, was he ashamed to let it be known that his love for his wife was greater then his love for any other human being. It is recorded in the Hadith collections of Bukhari and Muslim that someone asked the Prophet: “Who among all the people is most beloved by you?” And he said “Aisha”.

11. Never tell secrets of the household or of the husband and wife.

12. Strive to acquire and keep her trust.

13. Protect her honor and do not put her in the position where it could be compromised.

The Prophet (saaws) said that Allah will not ever let him enter Paradise who cares little who shares his wife’s privacy.

14. Exercise patience and forgiveness in times of disagreements and disputes.

15. Avoid excess jealousy.

The Prophet (saaws) said: “Do not be excessively jealous of your wife lest evil be hurled at her on your account” (la tukthir al-gheerata `ala ahlika fa turama bi al-su’i min ajlik) and he said: “Allah is jealous and the believer is jealous; and Allah’s jealousy is that the believer should not go to that which Allah has forbidden for him” (inna Allaha yagharu wa al- mu’minu yagharu wa gheerat Allahi in ya’tiya al-mu’minu ma harrama `alayhi).

16. Do not stay away from your wife or keep her in suspense without her consent.

“Turn not away (from your wife) altogether, so as to leave her hanging. If you come to a friendly understanding and practice self-restraint, then Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Merciful” [Qur'an 4:129]

17. Do not beat your wife.

The Prophet (saaws) indicated that if a man must beat his wife it should be more or less symbolic, with something like a toothbrush.

The Prophet (saaws) himself very much disliked the beating of wives, and never beat any of his own. In Abu Da’ud’s collection of Hadith he is reported by Laqit B. Sabrah to have said:

“Admonish your wife, and if there be any good in her she will receive it; and beat not your wife like a slave.”

In another Hadith from Ayas b. Abdullah he specifically said:
“Do not beat Allah’s female servants (i.e women)” [Abu Da'ud, Ibn Majah]
“Do not strike your wife in the face.”

18. Your wife doesn’t have to stay locked up in the home all day.

The following Hadith is narrated by Aisha (raa):

“Umar once criticised the Prophet’s wife Saudah for going out, saying he had recognised her in the street. So she appealed to the Prophet (saws) for support and he supported her saying: “Women have the right to go out for their needs.” [Bukhari]

Similarly the Prophet (saws) allowed his wives and other women to go out to the Mosques for their prayers. He also advised other men:

“Do not prevent the female servants of Allah (i.e Mosques)” [Muslim]

19. Educate your wife in terms of Islam and stop her from going against Islam.

“O you who have attained to faith! Ward off from yourselves and your families that fire (of the hereafter) whose fuel is Human beings and stones.” [Qur'an 66:6]

In this respect a husband has a duty to ensure that his wife is fully educated as a Muslim either by teaching her himself or by arranging for her Islamic education by other means.

Islam has given the man authority as the head of the family, and he is expected to abide by the Qur’an and Sunnah and endeavour to ensure that his family do not violate Islamic norms of behavior.

20. Care for your wife’s sexual needs. Believe it or not this is an obligation!

The Prophet (saaws) warned against rushing to gratify one’s pleasure and forgetting that of one’s wife. He also disliked that the husband should quickly withdraw from his wife afterwards, as it is a strain upon the wife. If she asks for intercourse, he should not refuse.

Inshaállah married brothers and sisters will strive to remember their duties in their marriage. When something goes wrong in a home it not only effects the household but it ripples out into the community and spreads.

Sister Shoruoq

24 May 2007

http://islamicink.wordpress.com/2007/05/24/men-have-duties-too/

[TheCFO]

Voor Chatt dan maar, gezien op een Rotterdams muurtje:

pas de pain rassis qui ne trouve son fromage